On Pop-Tarts

One of my most-requested recipes!

Happy Friday! This is the weekly recipe post for paid subscribers, and it is one of my most-requested recipes that I haven’t made in a long time (sorry, Derek!). On Tuesday, all readers will receive a piece on a cooking theory a friend and I have, along with a request for your help to prove or disprove it. Next Friday, paid subscribers will receive a recipe for pumpkin snickerdoodles. ‘Tis the season! There is a hard stop ahead, which sucks, but hey: pop-tarts don’t pay for themselves!

I was not a child who grew up eating Pop-Tarts, though they have somewhat mysteriously started appearing in my parents’ pantry now that they are empty-nesters.

As established, I mostly subsisted on homemade baked goods, like blueberry muffins and classic cereals like Cheerios, Honey Bunches of Oats (my go-to), Golden Grahams, or Honeycombs. I was happy and fine with that, though, and, to tell you the truth, when I finally snagged a bite of a Pop-Tart from a friend’s lunchbox, I wasn’t really all that impressed. Now that I’m an adult, I am still unimpressed by the original, and so I made my own.

I’m much more impressed with this version, which isn’t really saying all that much, I suppose.

The recipe that follows is, in my opinion, not something you should be eating for breakfast anyway. It’s decadent and sugary, and basically pie, okay? It is also a true labor of love, and to think of someone eating these before they are properly caffeinated enough to enjoy them sort of makes my eye twitch. As ever, though, you do you.

This recipe is a great example of one that you can make as easy or difficult as you’d like it to be. So, right now, do me a favor and sit down with yourself for an honest chat: are you someone who really wants to make pie crust from scratch? Or are you someone who actually prefers to buy the stuff? What about jam? Do you have a favorite family recipe? Or are we popping open a jar of Bonne Maman? I suppose even the frosting could be sourced from the store, but if you do feel the need to impress, this is one of the only occasions in which I will tell you it’s worth it to splurge on vanilla bean paste.

Here’s where I stand on things these days:

Pie Crust: Okay, yes. As you know, I almost never make pie crust these days. I just sort of hate it, actually. So if you’re looking at this recipe and thinking “that would work with store-bought puff,” you are absolutely correct. If you, however, would like to try your hand at pie crust, this is a great time to do so. The pop-tarts are much, much easier to patch than a pie crust, and there’s little riding on their structural integrity. This is your moment!

Jam: If I have it, I’ll use homemade strawberry jam for this. (I have a recipe for a great roasted strawberry and balsamic jam that I’ll share with you next summer.) If not, I have a great cheat for you: buy a jar of medium-quality strawberry jam (not jelly!) and add a half teaspoon of vanilla extract. If you have some sumac, toss in a teaspoon. Stir it up, then use that. It’ll have more of a pop of acidity to it with a warm hint of vanilla.

Frosting: Always! As previously established, vanilla bean paste is my weakness, so I’m going to make the good stuff by hand. Plus, then you can do cute little sprinkles or make it any color you want. This is evidence that I have been trying too hard for nearly my entire life, by the way.

Homemade Strawberry Pop-Tarts